Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Musings...Raw Truth???: John 15:13 Sons of Anarchy style

Musings...Raw Truth???: John 15:13 Sons of Anarchy style: [SPOILER ALERT] John 15:13 Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. And that is what Opie did i...

John 15:13 Sons of Anarchy style


John 15:13
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

And that is what Opie did in last night's episode of SOA.  He died with a half smile on his face before the fatal blow with the pipe.  I almost felt he gave up the fight and he could have taken out all three of the guys; but truth be told, I think he gave up a long time ago.

Starting from the very beginning of SOA, Opie has been dealt many bad hands for SAMCRO.  In the first season, he was paroled from prison, for a botched arson attempt with another SAMCRO member.  He tells his wife, Donna, that he is done with the biker life and attempts to reenter mainstream society.  This doesn't last for long, as Jax pleads with him to give the club another chance as they are facing a threat from the ATF etc.  The ATF ultimately sets him up as a rat in order to take down the Sons.  As a result of this, Clay orders a hit on Opie.  Tig botches the hit when he kills Donna instead of Opie.  Strike 1 for poor Opie.

Season 2, Opie is still reeling from Donna's death.  He takes more risks for the club and distances himself from his children.  He does meet Lyla and they begin dating but he does not approve of her being an adult film star.

Season 3, Opie starts a fight and as a result of this, SAMCRO loses a lot of guns and money.  The ATF storyline comes to a head, and Opie kills Agent Stahl like Donna was murdered.  But is that revenge enough?

Season 4, Opie and Lyla get married.  Yea!!  The honeymoon does not last for long though.  Lyla refuses to quit doing porn and Opie finds birth control pills.  He leaves and hooks up with another porn star at the club.  Lyla sees her co-worker at the club house and knows what has been going on.  When things with the cartels get heated, Lyla escapes from one of the prospects while getting her things at her home.  Things just go downhill on a fast moving train from there.  Opie finds his father, Piney Winston, dead in his cabin.  Unser tells him that Clay did it.  Jax and Opie have a heated moment outside the crematorium and Opie accuses Jax of knowing Clay's role in Piney's death.  Jax vehemently denies any knowledge of this and says he will handle it.  Too late!  Opie is on his bike, driving to kill Clay.  He shoots Clay twice and Jax shoots Opie in wrist to stop him.  Summing it all up, Jax asks Opie to be his VP, but still hasn't told him the truth about anything, and Opie walks away.  At the end of Season 4, we see Jax at the head of table, but no Opie.  Strikes 2 and 3 for Opie in one season.  I'm quite surprised he didn't kill Clay after Clay was released from the hospital.

Season 5.  *Insert curse words here* Opie sells Piney's bike but decides to come back to the club after Clay visits Opie and says that Jax needs someone at his left.  You see Opie visit Lyla and hand her an envelope with a ton of money.  He says he's going to be gone for a few weeks and asks if she will watch the kids.  She questions him as to his whereabouts, but once again Opie doesn't divulge club secrets, and she finally agrees.  This is where I get pissed and confused.  Opie goes to the club house just as Jax and the others are being picked up for manslaughter charges.  Opie assaults Sheriff Roosevelt and Gemma tells Tara, Opie is staying close.  Jax STILL hasn't told Opie everything that is going on.  At this point, I wonder if Opie really thought he was going to go to jail for a couple of weeks for assaulting the Sheriff or if he knew his fate would be sealed.

Pope has a long reach and talks to Jax in the warden's office.  He says he wants Tig to stay in jail forever where he can make sure he is punished.  Kicker is, he also wants a dead son for the cop and cleaner that Tig killed?  Uhhh???  What???  That's like an eye for an eye and possibly a kidney; seeing how he already burned Tig's daughter alive.  Jax gets back to his cell and FINALLY talks to Opie about all the secrets he's been keeping and that Pope has requested a dead son.  Tig graciously volunteers, as he should, but Jax tells him Pope wants Tig alive and inside forever.  The guard comes to the cell and asks Jax if he has made his choice on who will die.  Jax says he won't choose and gets a baton to the leg.  Long story short, the guys make it to the shower room and Jax steps up when asked.  Opie jumps in front of Jax and head butts a guard, therefore sealing his fate.  Opie gets a few offensive punches in while Jax, Tig and Chibs watch.  He is grabbed by a big dude and loses the pipe.  He gets slammed once and falls to his knees.  He is facing Jax, blood frothing from his mouth, half smile on his face; almost seeming he's saying "I got this".  One more violent hit to head with pipe and he falls, dead.

While it is true that we all are responsible for our own fates, there are other factors that guide our decisions and choices.  While Opie didn't have to fight, he chose to do so.  How much tragedy should a person have to suffer through?  What if your death would save the lives of many others?  Would you sacrifice yourself in battle to win the war?  I wonder if any of these thoughts went through Opie's mind?  I'm not sure if he loved his club anymore, but I'm sure he loved Jax, and that was one factor that may have guided his decision.

Anyways, it was a horrible and unexpected death, but it was time.  What do have to live for when you have nothing left?  We will never know Opie's motivation for his ultimate sacrifice, but as Jax said, he went out a warrior.

You can rest easy now, Opie.  Your ride is over.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Musings...Raw Truth???: Sons of Anarchy 503?

Musings...Raw Truth???: Sons of Anarchy 503?: Who dies?  For all of us die-hard SAMCRO fans, Tuesday night is going to be epic for us!  I'm glad the season, so far, has not been AS explo...

Sons of Anarchy 503?

Who dies?  For all of us die-hard SAMCRO fans, Tuesday night is going to be epic for us!  I'm glad the season, so far, has not been AS explosive as last season.  It really has been a slow boil of sorts and I'm glad that we had one episode where no one dies.  But all good things come to an end.  Who will we lose in Tuesday's episode?  Most webpages I've shamelessly stalked since last Tuesday give 6 options; Unser, Tig, Juice, Clay, Opie and Tara.

Everyone's money seems to be on Unser, since his roll has drastically changed from Season 4 to now.  He has cancer, doesn't seem to be taking care of himself and was violently attacked in the home invasion.  The more I think about it, which is probably too much, would Kurt Sutter really make it that obvious?  After all, you have a few SAMCRO members headed to county for their role in the murder of 2 Niner's on the freeway.

Pope must have some deep pockets as previews for 503, lead the viewer to believe that Pope is setting up many hits on the Sons during their time in jail.  He also says that he needs a dead Son and the viewer can see this in the preview where the jail personnel echoes that exact same statement.

I think after the untimely death of someone either in the club or someone very close to the club, the slow boil will be no more.  Jax is playing with the big dogs now and he needs to channel his anger and get revenge the smart way.  Only time will tell.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Social media? Are we addicted? Are you addicted?

Social media/technology addictions?  Is it good to sometimes disconnect?

This is me at this very moment.  I took the picture with my iPhone and have both my iPad and my Mac on my lap (yes that is a bottle of alcohol on the floor). You know what else I am doing???  Watching television.  This disgusts me.  I'm not sure why, but over the past few years, I've felt like I HAD to be connected to every form of technology/social media.  Whether it be through Myspace, Facebook, blogs, RSS feeds or text messaging; I always needed a way to let what I was feeling be broadcast to everyone.  Sure I got rid of Myspace, but that was just because it was no longer "cool".  I have a Facebook account that was full of people from my school years and acquaintances that I NEVER spoke to over the internet.  Come to think of it, I never talked to them outside of Facebook either.  I'm sure it was a mutual understanding that no one every actually verbalized; that we were just "Facebook friends" so we could keep tabs and always have new information for the gossip train.  I did do what every other person I think has done at a time, and I deactivated my FB for over a month.  Sure, I had another social media outlet, Twitter, but I really enjoyed my time away.  I felt like I was able to accomplish actual real life things, instead of worrying about who updated their status last.

Yep.  I was the woman in the above picture.  I didn't like it.  I felt almost too connected.  I didn't feel like I had any sort of privacy left.  I'm used to not having any privacy due to the military.  Just found out the other day that the phones in barracks are monitored for OPSEC/PERSEC violations.  Imagine my glee when my husband told me that.  Here I am though, broadcasting all the nice and not so nice aspects of my life to pretty much anyone who can use a computer.  Awesome.

I recently did activate FB again, due to my son and his activities.  But, I no longer post status updates and in fact, all my communication is done via the message option.  I'm also slowly deleting those people I never talk to, and those who are just my friend to keep tabs on me.  I don't need that, never did.  I have a complicated enough life.  I don't need anyone to complicate it further.

How do you feel being so connected sometimes?  Do you feel like aspects in your life have changed for the worse, due to an obsession with social media?  If so, try unplugging for a while.  Set times to check you FB/Twitter or whatever your poison, and then don't check it again for the rest of the day.  Or even do as I did, and deactivate (not delete) your social media accounts for awhile and see how you feel.  If your life feels "better" after doing so, then you may want to set limits for yourself on your social media use.  

Sunday, September 16, 2012


I know, I know.  The title sounds a bit spiritual/faith finding like.  Not a real popular subject in today's world, but trust me when I say that doesn't even scrape the top.

The topic is something that has always been on my mind, and I would be lying to myself and all of you when I say, "yeah, you know, I should have paid a lot more attention to that."  I didn't expect to be referencing my life as a spouse of someone in the military (still refusing to say Army Wife) quite as soon in this blog, but push came to shove.

I was doing my non-social/social thing on Twitter last night while trying to watch my television programs and another gem caught my eye.  It was from a member of OWNViewers (OWN is the Oprah Winfrey network and yes, I had to google that as well).  The quote was: "If you don't have a vision for yourself, what's the vision you're bringing into the marriage".  Stopped me in my tracks.  It was a feeling I have had for the past two and a half years but could never figure out how to form the question amongst all my other day-to-day thoughts. Therein lies why this blog will focus on my life; being married to someone in the military (still refusing to say Army wife).

I don't have a vision.  I thought I did.  Turns out, my visions seem to be nothing more than wishful thinking.  So, if I don't have a vision, then how am I able to bring "my" vision into my marriage.  I guess I'm not.  Truth be told, I've had many visions for myself.  Being a corporate something or other while living in a non pretentious home.  Continuing my independent lifestyle and being able to stand up for myself; but, able to maintain a healthy level of self-humility.  Guess what.  Real life happened and a lot of those visions had to be put on hold so I could climb out of the hole I had dug for myself.

I often think I have much more control over my life and my marriage, than the reality of it.  I didn't have the unrealistic expectations of a knight in shining armor who rides in on a white horse.  Not by any means.  Nor did my visions include marrying someone with a career that constantly gets my emotions out of whack, and keeps my life a giant wreck.  But it happened and that's what I'm living now.

I've been trying to "find myself" for what seems like an infinite amount of time.  It's an ongoing struggle, and one that seems like there is no end in sight.  I've prided myself on being independent and a free spirit.  I am struggling to be either one of those now.  I know it's possible to change your vision as you learn and grow throughout life, I just didn't know that due to life circumstances, i.e. marriage, you would be forced to do it so quickly and so violently.  So my "marriage" to the Army (even they call it that), has forced me to change my vision several times in the 2 years I've been married.

Right now I don't have a vision; because I can't control many of aspects of my life.  I'm hoping that I can create a new one soon, but I can't plan on it.  How does my lack of vision affect my marriage, you ask?  Honestly, I think it harms more than helps.

Stemming from the fact that my husband is 8 years younger than me and also of a different faith; he's Mormon and I'm non-denominational, we've really struggled.  I expect him to have the same visions I did at his age.  Which means I have very high expectations of what I think HE should be doing.  Therein lies the difference and, I'll go ahead and say it, the power struggle.  Simply put, I'm projecting my visions of what I want, but can't currently obtain, towards our marriage. I'm probably making this explanation a lot more complicated then it truly is.  Basically the things I envision for myself; independence and a free spirit, I want our marriage to have.  I'm finding out that it doesn't work that way, nor will it ever most likely.  I should work on having a vision for myself and then work on the vision I have for our marriage, but I can't.  I know it's possible and one of my goals, but in all honesty, how can I, when I live a life that will constantly be changing?  My ideal life has to fit in with his career, and sometimes the pieces just don't fit well.  I can't be a free spirit, because every action is under constant scrutiny of the Army.  If he ever changes his job within the army, then that will require brand new expectations of me.  It's hard for me to create the career vision I would enjoy because of the constant moving of military life.  I can't be independent and just live my life happily, because I'm teaching my husband what I was taught, since his "real life" education never happened with his parents.  I'm not a good teacher; but apparently it's not acceptable or supportive to let him suffer the consequences and find his own way out of his problems.  So of course, I smile and say I would be delighted to put my needs last again.  Because..isn't that what I'm expected to do?

Ozzy Ozbourne and Lita Ford sung a duet back in the 80's called "Close My Eyes Forever".  One of the lines of the song says:

"Sometimes, it's hard to hold on
 So hard to hold on to my dreams
 It isn't always what it seems
When you're face to face with me"

Couldn't have said it better, Ozzy and Lita.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The start or an introduction of sorts??

I have been told multiple times that I should start a blog.  The comments get more and more forceful till they finally peak out, and I break down.  So, here I am.  

I argued with myself internally for many, many months about writing and posting online, because if I talk about something illegal, couldn't that be considered pre-meditation?  I guess the "I don't care", beat the knowledgeable and sensible side of me.

I used the famous Google and researched about what service to use and even took a "quiz" of sorts, to see if I was suited for this type of adventure.  Here is the conclusion.

Darren Rowse published a blog of sorts in 2006 with questions to determine if writing a blog is for you.  As I read over the questions and formulated my own answers, I also gained insight on how to write my first blog entry.  I am so grateful for this tiny gem out of nowhere, because I wasn't sure where to start...or when my musings should end.  These are some of the questions he asked and my answers.

1.  Do you enjoy writing?

I love to write.  Always have and probably always will.  Granted, the writing styles and forms have changed since I was writing books for the Young Author's programs in elementary school, but I do have a grasp of English language and grammar.  Writing seems like such a lost art form with the advance of technology; almost like having an actual phone conversation where you speak to the person, not just text them.  I'm a firm believer in throwing a slew of curse words at a person during a fight and then sending a long text/email explaining why I said every single curse word.  I believe in writing handwritten letters and I wish I was still the age where I could write notes to friends and pass them along.  Life was so simple then; lines didn't seem blur as far as the context of the note and people were much easier to figure out.  I still believe in using good grammar in emails and texts and it drives me insane when I communicate with those who don't.  Currently, I would much rather write the truth and leave the fiction up to the professionals.

2.  What's your Message?

I don't have one.  Yes, you saw that correctly.  I do not have a message.  I don't want to write about how to save money using coupons or how being the spouse of someone in the military has thrown my life into constant turmoil.  Why, you may ask?  Because this is about me.  For me, by me.  I imagine that I may reference both of the things above soon enough, but I don't want it to be my message.  So, if you are looking for a message even relating to something like that, this blog is probably not for you.

3.  Do you enjoy reading?

Simple answer here.  Yes.  Because if I did not throw myself into books and television, I would probably be doing very, very bad things.

4.  Do I enjoy virtual relationships?

Heaven forbid they can't be any worse than actual, face-to-face ones.  Plain and simple.

5.  Are you willing to be in a public spotlight? (He states blogging is a public activity and I thought it was kind of obvious)

No, no.  I don't really deal with me being public anywhere, yet here I sit.  I had the Myspace page when that was the fad, moved on to Facebook and just deactivated it, have a Twitter account which I love and now a blog.  Random note, may be reactivating my FB to keep up with my child's activities; or at least that's what I keep telling myself.  I'm not doing this to become a celebrity or make millions.  Although, if the offers happened to fall in my lap, I couldn't see myself turning them down.  I hate having a public life period and often thought about joining a commune in the middle of nowhere.  I hope you don't think I'm joking.

6. Are you a social person?

No, not in the least bit.  I hate going to the grocery store for the fear I may have to run from someone I know.  And yes, I have done that very thing just recently.  Maybe I should rephrase myself.  I don't like being put in social situations with awkward people.  Which leaves out pretty much every aspect of day to day life.  Common courtesy and manners go a long, long way and leave very lasting impressions.  I'm not sure what people are being taught these days, but it's certainly not that.  Stick me in a room with people who can talk about the latest news; and no, I don't mean Facebook news, and I'm golden.  I would rather talk about the weather and show my true age, then try to decipher the "hidden" meanings behind a 20something's social networking site.

Those are just a few of the questions he asked on his blog and some of the more relevant ones I thought I should answer fully.  If you want the tiny details, that are part of a much larger package, then here they are:  I have a 6 year old child; I'm married to someone in the Army, but don't call me an "Army wife"; I'm unemployed yet have 2 degrees, that's probably a little more common than I beat myself up about; I'm not domestic so my husband does suffer a tiny bit when he as to wash his own clothes or cook for himself, I just call it survival of the fittest and he should learn; I'm OCD (self-diagnosed) and ADD (physician diagnosed); My tolerance level is shot, and I'm far less patient then what everyone thinks I should be; but, all those random things put together make a pretty good person somehow.  I live in the here and now, not the then and should be.  That, my friends, is called reality.  And this is mine.